"Exodus Now - Order" | Play | Exodus 20:1-20
Exodus Now - Order
Narrator – Our scene opens on a typical college dorm room. Laundry is on the floor… actually laundry occupies any available horizontal surface. The air is a pungent mixture of body odor, discarded pizza crusts, and cheap cologne. You can hear the bass beat of music being played somewhere too far away to actually listen to it and too close to ignore it. A young man is busy at a desktop computer as another enters the room.
Max – Toby, what do you think your doing?
Toby – Dude, I’m almost done downloading this really classic instructional freshman orientation video.
Max – Freshman orientation video? What’s it called?
Toby – “Animal House!”
Max – You’re downloading movies?! On my computer?! Illegally?!!! [reaches over to hit ESC button]
Toby – Dude! Uncool!
Max – Uncool?! Let’s talk uncool… You making illegal and possibly traceable downloads on my computer… uncool. [looks around] Pizza boxes on my bed… uncool. [opens drawer] Me not having any clean underwear this morning because you are wearing the last of it… uncool! Me finding my toothbrush encrusted with your dried toothpaste on it… very, very uncool!
Toby – Dude! You need to chill…
Max – Chill? That reminds me, where’s my coat?
Toby – (guilty) Uh… coat?
Max – Yes, my coat… that I put on… to keep warm…
Toby – Oh, that coat. I gave it to Trisha last night when she was going home because it cooled off…
Max - You gave my coat to Trisha and you want me to chill? I think I’ve chilled enough for one day. I’m beyond chilled. I’m frozen! Look when you decide to be all chivalrous do it with your own coat!
Toby – Oh. [nods knowingly]
Max – “Oh?” What “Oh?” What did I say that could remotely merit an “Oh” response?
Toby – Look, dude… This is about Trisha. You’re upset.
Max – [feigning ignorance] Upset about Trisha? Your totally hot girlfriend? Your totally hot girlfriend who was going out with me until I introduced her to you? Why would you think I was upset about that? Right now that ranks somewhere below no coat and no underwear in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
Toby – Dude, Max, I think we need to have it out on this. Trish does like you… as a friend, Max. You thought you were going out with her, but she just saw you as a friend. Really.
Max – I think I’m going to go outside now and get myself hit by a bus just to make this day complete. Or maybe I could get struck by lightning. That would really just be the cherry on the sundae of my day.
Toby – Dude, it’s not even cloudy out…
Max – [yelling] That’s not the point! [calmer, deliberate] That’s not the point, Toby. The point is… you… are… ruining my life. Okay?
Toby – [looks around] I’m just guessing here, but I think about half this mess is yours. Maybe you don’t remember, but the reason I’m using your computer is because you poured a coke on my computer’s keyboard.
Max – Spilled! I “spilled” a coke. Not “poured.” That was an accident! I said I was sorry.
Toby – But have you replaced my keyboard? Have you fixed the problem? Hmmm… No. And you clip your toenails.
Max – Good hygiene is not a crime!
Toby – Do you know what it’s like to climb out of bed in your bare feet and step on someone else’s stray toenail clipping? Yeeeee-uck.
Max – Okay, point.
Toby – So, here’s the question. Are we going to stand here playing “gotcha” or are we going to do something about it?
Max – You have to admit, you are really hard to live with.
Toby – And you’re not?
Max – [hotly] You’re…
Toby – [holds out hand] Stop. You’re starting again. Do you really want to take another ride on this merry-go-round? Blame. [pause] Counter-blame. [pause] Counter-counter-blame. [longer pause] Counter-counter-counter-…
Max – [impatient] Okay, okay… so how do we… get off the blame-go-round?
Toby – That’s the question, isn’t it?
Lawrence Lee
Play
Exodus 20:1-4, 7-9, 12-20
Year A, 20th Sunday after Pentecost
October 2, 2005
United Church of Two Harbors, Two Harbors, MN