TONY Ah, poor tikes. Well, don’t worry kids, we’ll get your water flowing right away. Okay, Jimmy; let’s get dirty.

JIMMY I’m way ahead of you. Hand me that, will you?

TONY Sure, here ya go. Hey, sorry I’m late. Darlene was late getting off shift and I have a kid home with the flu so...

JIMMY Don’t worry about it. How’s your kid?

TONY Really burns me up. That new floor sup is running the staff ragged. Darlene is exhausted when she gets home. Someday I’m going to go over to the hospital and I swear, I’m gonna... (makes threatening gesture)

FAITH (enters, smartly dressed) What are you two doing?

JIMMY Don’t worry, we’ll get this thing working in two shakes.

TONY Yeah, don’t worry, miss. We’re on the job.

FAITH No, wait, you don’t understand, I’m from Central Planning. This is all wrong.

TONY Whadyamean, “all wrong?”

FAITH You need to stop... cease and desist. You are being relieved. Didn’t you get the memo?

JIMMY Memo?

TONY What are you talking about?

FAITH We have a new paradigm at Central Planning. It’s a new dawn in our way of thinking. It’s called “Simply Believe.” It’s a revolutionary new approach to public works! This crude labor isn’t necessary anymore. All we have to do is conceive a better city in our hearts. It’s visionary, it’s efficient, it cuts way down on workman’s comp, and we’ll all feel better about ourselves. (happy with herself)

JIMMY & TONY (take)

JIMMY You gotta be kiddin’ me!

TONY That’s the biggest load of...

JIMMY Oh, wait, I get it. (laughing) Paul sent you down here, didn’t he? This is one of his jokes right?

FAITH (less sweet) Do I look like I’m joking? You two are outmoded, outdated, obsolete. While you two have been playing in the dirt, we’ve been envisioning a brave new world of public works, new possibilities, new frontiers.

TONY What are you talking about? You want me to leave this main broken? What about that orphanage? What they need is a “brave new” water main.

FAITH (ignoring TONY) We need to focus on the truly important things, the essential things, and everything else will follow. Have some faith! Don’t worry about these crude day to day matters. If we truly concentrate on the things that are essential, everything else will fall in place.

TONY You go to college to learn to talk like that or did you pick it up at some seminar? (threateningly) I oughta...

JIMMY (holds TONY back) Look, Miss Central Planning. (good naturedly) You want a big picture? I got a big picture for you. Picture this. You go back to your happy little office and think your happy little thoughts and write your happy little memos on your happy little Mary Engelbreit stationery while we fix this so we can have some happy little, clean, non-dehydrated orphans.

FAITH (determinedly happy and condescending) You aren’t making this very easy, are you? Please try to understand, I’m trying to lift your spirits out of the mud and filth. You are so focused on these crude things that you’ve lost sight of what truly matters. All you need to do is... simply believe!

TONY & JIMMY (stare at FAITH in disbelief, a beat)

FAITH Oh, here... (hands both TONY and JIMMY a cheerfully colored pamphlet) I want both of you to attend this workshop this Friday. Don’t worry, it’s on the clock. It’s entitled “Think your Way to Wealth, Happiness, and Thinner Thighs.” (appraising them) And, if you don’t mind me saying so, try wearing something blue. I don’t think bright orange and earthtones work for you. You know, I’m a color consultant off hours (starts draping colored scarves over TONY’s shoulders) I could give you a free consultation...

TONY That does it!

JIMMY (tries to hold TONY back again) Tony, wait...

TONY Look, lady! Stop busting our chops! We’ve got a job to do here, and unless you want to pick up a shovel...

FAITH (finally offended) Really! Now see here...

TONY Wait a minute! Hold that pose! (starts to flip through imaginary book) No, I thought I figured out what kind of moron you are, but you don’t seem to match any of the entries here in Peterson’s Field Guide to Idiots.

FAITH Wha...?!

TONY (on a roll, mock awe) Perhaps you are a new species of stupid, as to hereforewith undiscovered and unclassified. Maybe I’ll get to name you. Let’s see, how about the Imbecilus Clip-boardus. Why, I’ll be famous! The only problem is, no one would believe me. Because (shouting now) no one could believe in the existence of an idiot like you!

FAITH (tries to speak, can’t, exits)

TONY (self satisfied, turns to see JIMMY’s disapproving look) What?

JIMMY That wasn’t called for.

TONY Well if nobody calls for it in ten days, it’s all yours buddy.

JIMMY Tony, how long we been pals?

TONY (grimaces) I suppose you’re gonna tell me. (turning back to work) You gonna help out here or what?

JIMMY (not buying it) Tony, you have to watch that mouth of yours.

TONY She had it coming.

JIMMY Look, I work with you day in and day out and I just have one question for you...

TONY Yeah?

JIMMY You kiss your mother with that mouth of yours?

TONY (rolls eyes, goes back to work)

JIMMY Tony, I’m serious. I see you with your kids and you’re all sweetness and light, but at work you, well, you talk a lot of trash. You want your kids hearing you talk like that?

TONY (grudgingly) I guess not.

JIMMY Would you like your kids treating someone like you just treated Miss Central Planning?

TONY Okay, you made your point. (looks into JIMMY’s eyes, sighs) What do you want me to do?

JIMMY Just watch your mouth. It’ll be your undoing, (sees FAITH coming on stage, she’s holding a small cup) and apologize to Miss Central Planning.

TONY Huh? (sees FAITH) Oh. Hey, um, miss? Sorry about dissing you just then. I was, um, pretty upset. Not that I agree with you, but I could have probably... said it... Are you okay?

FAITH I was just over at the orphanage. (gestures offstage, and then, as if this is news) They don’t have any water.

TONY (exhales) Captain Obvious is in the house.

JIMMY Tony!

TONY Okay! Sorry! Okay! Yes, miss, they don’t have water. And they don’t have water because this main is broken. And we are trying to fix it.

FAITH (not listening) I was just over there in the courtyard, and they were rationing out water for lunch. And this little boy came up and gave me his, because he said I looked... sad.

JIMMY You okay, miss...?

FAITH Faith.

JIMMY Faith?

FAITH My name is “Faith.” (wipes away tear, grabs shovel, determined) Let’s get to work.

[SCENE FREEZES]

READER What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but do not have works? Can faith save you? If a brother or sister is naked or lacks daily food and one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and eat your fill,” and yet you do not supply their bodily needs, what is the good of that? So faith by itself, if it has no works, is dead.

Original Cast:
JIMMY - Randy Norenberg
TONY - Lawrence Lee
FAITH - Kelli Lancaster
READER - Amy Church

Lawrence Lee
Play
James 2:14-17
September 21, 2003
United Church of Two Harbors, Two Harbors, MN